It sounds kind of silly, but I was going to wait until Eddy was talking to update my blog again so I could have some really awesome news to share. But, I don't know if, or when, that will ever happen. And even though Eddy isn't talking, I think we still have awesome news to share. It's just a bit less specific and a bit more esoteric. (Nothing like a glass of wine to bring back SAT vocabulary words.)
The awesome news is... life is great. For the first time in quite some time, I feel like I can actually breathe. And enjoy my children. And my husband. And my life. Despite the bone-chilling cold and massive amounts of snow we've gotten this winter, things are great. Eddy is wonderful. The girls are amazing. Ed and I started having a weekly date-night a few weeks ago. We have a terrific nanny, Marie. I've finally gotten back into working out and I'm running or doing P90x 5 days a week. I've managed to stay healthy throughout this horrible winter, and spring is right around the corner.
I think back to where we were a little over two years ago and I thank God for where we are now. Every day, I thank God multiple times for where He has taken us in the past two years. And I thank Him for what we went through because had it not been for that, I don't know if I would appreciate what I now have as much. I know I've said it before in this blog, but it is SO easy to take what you have for granted unless something happens to make you step back and realize that you might not always have it. I've learned so much in this journey with Eddy, but the biggest thing I've learned is that we have to appreciate what we have because it can be gone in a heartbeat. When I'm frustrated now for being cooped up in the house with the girls and I feel bad that I can't take them out because it's freezing and there's tons of flu everywhere and I don't want them to get sick...I step back and realize...at least we CAN be home. At least we're not stuck in the hospital like we were for so many nights with Eddy. At least we have healthy, happy children. And that's what really matters. More than anything else, what matters is our health and happiness.
God has given us a healthy son, a little three and a half year old boy who has gone TWENTY MONTHS without a seizure. I think about that and I just can't believe how incredibly lucky we are. Ten percent of people on the ketogenic diet experience complete seizure control, and, thank God, Eddy was one of those 10%. It is a miracle and it is completely, 100% because of God. I know that God answered my prayers. I prayed so many times a day that He would heal Eddy of his epilepsy. And God can do anything. And he has done this for Eddy.
Probably the best thing that has come from this experience is that my relationship with God is better than it ever has been before. I am so thankful for what He has given me and I want to be a better person, to try to express my thankfulness. I'd like to think I was always a "nice" person, but I admit that I was judgmental, like so many people are, towards others who did not completely agree with what I believed. I was awarded the "nicest senior" award in high school, an award that I'm probably more proud of than any academic award I received, including being inducted into Phi Beta Kappa, but even though I was awarded "nicest senior" 13 years ago (holy cow I'm old), I don't feel like I was always as nice as I could've been. But, in the past two years, I've been making a conscious effort to just be NICE. To everyone. Even those who don't agree with my beliefs, even those who I might not think are particularly nice. And, who would have thought, it's made me a happier person. Being nice to others, not judging others, has really made me a happier person.
I feel like there is so much negativity out there and I HATE it. (See what I did there? :) ) I've actually been taking a little facebook hiatus for the past several days because I was just so sick of all the name-calling and bullying and negativity. When you're trying to be a nice, positive person, that stuff gets old fast, ya know? All of this vaccine debating crap, the name-calling, it's just sad. I'm not even going to get into my personal feelings on the subject (if you want to know, ask me. But, just to warn you, once I start talking about it, I have a problem stopping. Right, Marie? :) ), but I just wish that people would be respectful. Kind. Have an intelligent, nice conversation. I understand this topic, and many other topics, are ones that people are passionate about. They have strong feelings. But name-calling and bullying are not the way to go. Aren't we all about getting bullying out of schools now? Then why do so many adults, so many parents, think that name-calling is ok? Name-calling is not ok. Name-calling is bullying. Stop with the name-calling, the bullying, the negativity. Have conversations about what you're passionate about but do it in a kind, respectful, NICE manner. I feel like our country is getting so divided and "free speech" has basically become an excuse to say whatever the heck we feel, in whatever way we feel. If everyone just made a conscious effort to be a little nicer, I think that the world would be a much better, happier place.
I'd love the world that I've brought my three children into to be a kinder one. Don't get me wrong, there are so many wonderful, kind people out there. I'm friends with many of them! But we can always get kinder. All of us. We can be more selfless and do more for others.
Speaking of my children, they are all just such blessings. Sylvia and Juliana are 14 months old now and they are a riot. They are so smart and funny. They have me constantly laughing. Their personalities are stronger than I thought possible for "babies" that young. (Really they're running around like little toddlers but I have a hard time taking away the "baby" designation already.) Sylvia is a bit more serious, pensive. She studies everything. She is incredibly smart. She is the one that I thought would be more outgoing, but she actually is more shy. Juliana is so friendly, and funny, and sharp. Her sense of humor is out of this world. I am so thankful that they are doing well and developing normally. I will always remember a text message that I got from my dear friend Alicia when I was pregnant with them. She said, to paraphrase, "You have been through so much with Eddy that I know God will bless you with completely healthy girls. They will be amazing and great because God has seen everything you have gone through and He is not going to make you go through that again." And at the time I was terrified that my babies would have developmental delays and autism and epilepsy like their older brother. But Alicia was right, and I will always be thankful for that text message and that encouragement.
And Eddy, sweet Eddy. Man. Every day I don't think I can love him any more, and then the next I do. I have never met a kid as sweet as him. He is incredibly sweet. And man, is he smart. I can't imagine how frustrated he must be to not be able to communicate how intelligent he is. He has made so many social improvements in the past several months. He is just so much more aware of his surroundings. A year ago, I would walk into the room and Eddy would not notice me. Today, I walk into the room and Eddy pushes himself up from the floor, with a big smile on his face, and he comes to me to pick him up. He wants me to sing to him or read to him or say the ABCs with him. He is so happy and healthy and aware. He is doing so well. He knows his letters, letter sounds, numbers, colors, shapes. He's starting to recognize words. He is just an amazing kid and I'm so thankful for him. I still pray every day that he will talk, and I have faith that he will one day, when he's ready. I can't wait for that day.
Thank you for reading this, and for all of the love, and encouragement, and kindness you've shown us throughout this journey. I really do appreciate all of you.
