The End of the Seizure-Free Streak

They say "All good things come to an end," and unfortunately that is true with Eddy and his 25-month seizure-freedom streak. Yesterday evening, Eddy had his first seizure since June of 2013.  I had just met my friend Katie for dinner, and I got a phone call from Ed that Eddy had asphyxiated on his dinner milk and Ed had to give him the Heimlich maneuver. As I was on the phone with him, he said, "Oh no, he's having a seizure." I was hoping to never hear those words again. I ran out of there fast and drove home to a very agitated and scared Eddy. The incident really shook him up because he is SO much more aware of everything going on than he was three years ago when he started having seizures. It's great that he's aware but it makes situations like this so much harder because he's so frightened now, and he can't communicate how he's feeling and what is wrong.

We aren't sure why exactly the seizure occurred. It was a quick, ten-second tonic seizure, very similar to the ones he had regularly two and a half years ago. It could've been a result of him choking on his milk, or he could've already been having a seizure and that's why he began choking in the first place. It could be because he had a stomach bug because following the seizure, he threw up four times last night. Whatever the cause, we are hoping that it was a fluke and it's not going to happen again.

Eddy is back to himself today and did well in therapy. He's eating and feeling fine and is very alert and happy. Discounting yesterday's event, we have been very happy with Eddy and his progress. We took him to a biomedical autism doctor in Cleveland in April, and he tested a ton of things through blood, stool, and urine tests. It took us about a month just to do all of the tests and another several weeks to get the results back. We had a phone appointment to go over the results a couple of weeks ago and the results helped his doctor to know what to prescribe. Eddy is starting several new supplements, and we're hopeful they will help him.

Eddy has been doing very well in therapy, and he is now counting to 20 (nonverbally but he is able to demonstrate his knowledge that 15 comes after 14, etc.), spelling words, recognizing words, sorting objects into groups, stacking eight blocks independently, placing pegs in a peg board, and climbing the stairs. Additionally, his eye contact is much improved and he has been much more social lately. He loves giving hugs and kisses and is constantly "checking in" and coming over to me when I'm making dinner and when I walk into a room. It's the little things with Eddy, but the "little things" are really "very big things" with him. He's making improvements in every area, from strength to awareness to rate of learning new things to attention span. So we are very pleased with Eddy and his progress, and that is what we are trying to focus on, not the fact that the horrible seizure beast returned yesterday.

We really hope that the seizure was a one-time thing. Please pray that they don't start coming back regularly, and that Eddy continues to progress well. And please continue to pray that he will start talking soon! We truly appreciate your prayers for Eddy and your love for him. Can you believe he will be FOUR next week?! He is truly such a blessing, such an incredible soul. I continue to have a lot of hope for his future, and I know that he will do great things.

Kindness and what really matters

It sounds kind of silly, but I was going to wait until Eddy was talking to update my blog again so I could have some really awesome news to share. But, I don't know if, or when, that will ever happen. And even though Eddy isn't talking, I think we still have awesome news to share. It's just a bit less specific and a bit more esoteric. (Nothing like a glass of wine to bring back SAT vocabulary words.)

The awesome news is... life is great. For the first time in quite some time, I feel like I can actually breathe. And enjoy my children. And my husband. And my life. Despite the bone-chilling cold and massive amounts of snow we've gotten this winter, things are great. Eddy is wonderful. The girls are amazing. Ed and I started having a weekly date-night a few weeks ago. We have a terrific nanny, Marie. I've finally gotten back into working out and I'm running or doing P90x 5 days a week. I've managed to stay healthy throughout this horrible winter, and spring is right around the corner.

I think back to where we were a little over two years ago and I thank God for where we are now. Every day, I thank God multiple times for where He has taken us in the past two years. And I thank Him for what we went through because had it not been for that, I don't know if I would appreciate what I now have as much. I know I've said it before in this blog, but it is SO easy to take what you have for granted unless something happens to make you step back and realize that you might not always have it. I've learned so much in this journey with Eddy, but the biggest thing I've learned is that we have to appreciate what we have because it can be gone in a heartbeat. When I'm frustrated now for being cooped up in the house with the girls and I feel bad that I can't take them out because it's freezing and there's tons of flu everywhere and I don't want them to get sick...I step back and realize...at least we CAN be home. At least we're not stuck in the hospital like we were for so many nights with Eddy. At least we have healthy, happy children. And that's what really matters. More than anything else, what matters is our health and happiness.

God has given us a healthy son, a little three and a half year old boy who has gone TWENTY MONTHS without a seizure. I think about that and I just can't believe how incredibly lucky we are. Ten percent of people on the ketogenic diet experience complete seizure control, and, thank God, Eddy was one of those 10%. It is a miracle and it is completely, 100% because of God. I know that God answered my prayers. I prayed so many times a day that He would heal Eddy of his epilepsy. And God can do anything. And he has done this for Eddy.

Probably the best thing that has come from this experience is that my relationship with God is better than it ever has been before. I am so thankful for what He has given me and I want to be a better person, to try to express my thankfulness. I'd like to think I was always a "nice" person, but I admit that I was judgmental, like so many people are, towards others who did not completely agree with what I believed. I was awarded the "nicest senior" award in high school, an award that I'm probably more proud of than any academic award I received, including being inducted into Phi Beta Kappa, but even though I was awarded "nicest senior" 13 years ago (holy cow I'm old), I don't feel like I was always as nice as I could've been. But, in the past two years, I've been making a conscious effort to just be NICE. To everyone. Even those who don't agree with my beliefs, even those who I might not think are particularly nice. And, who would have thought, it's made me a happier person. Being nice to others, not judging others, has really made me a happier person.

I feel like there is so much negativity out there and I HATE it. (See what I did there? :) ) I've actually been taking a little facebook hiatus for the past several days because I was just so sick of all the name-calling and bullying and negativity. When you're trying to be a nice, positive person, that stuff gets old fast, ya know? All of this vaccine debating crap, the name-calling, it's just sad. I'm not even going to get into my personal feelings on the subject (if you want to know, ask me. But, just to warn you, once I start talking about it, I have a problem stopping. Right, Marie? :) ), but I just wish that people would be respectful. Kind. Have an intelligent, nice conversation. I understand this topic, and many other topics, are ones that people are passionate about. They have strong feelings. But name-calling and bullying are not the way to go. Aren't we all about getting bullying out of schools now? Then why do so many adults, so many parents, think that name-calling is ok? Name-calling is not ok. Name-calling is bullying. Stop with the name-calling, the bullying, the negativity. Have conversations about what you're passionate about but do it in a kind, respectful, NICE manner. I feel like our country is getting so divided and "free speech" has basically become an excuse to say whatever the heck we feel, in whatever way we feel. If everyone just made a conscious effort to be a little nicer, I think that the world would be a much better, happier place.

I'd love the world that I've brought my three children into to be a kinder one. Don't get me wrong, there are so many wonderful, kind people out there. I'm friends with many of them! But we can always get kinder. All of us. We can be more selfless and do more for others.

Speaking of my children, they are all just such blessings. Sylvia and Juliana are 14 months old now and they are a riot. They are so smart and funny. They have me constantly laughing. Their personalities are stronger than I thought possible for "babies" that young. (Really they're running around like little toddlers but I have a hard time taking away the "baby" designation already.) Sylvia is a bit more serious, pensive. She studies everything. She is incredibly smart. She is the one that I thought would be more outgoing, but she actually is more shy. Juliana is so friendly, and funny, and sharp. Her sense of humor is out of this world. I am so thankful that they are doing well and developing normally. I will always remember a text message that I got from my dear friend Alicia when I was pregnant with them. She said, to paraphrase, "You have been through so much with Eddy that I know God will bless you with completely healthy girls. They will be amazing and great because God has seen everything you have gone through and He is not going to make you go through that again." And at the time I was terrified that my babies would have developmental delays and autism and epilepsy like their older brother. But Alicia was right, and I will always be thankful for that text message and that encouragement.

And Eddy, sweet Eddy. Man. Every day I don't think I can love him any more, and then the next I do. I have never met a kid as sweet as him. He is incredibly sweet. And man, is he smart. I can't imagine how frustrated he must be to not be able to communicate how intelligent he is. He has made so many social improvements in the past several months. He is just so much more aware of his surroundings. A year ago, I would walk into the room and Eddy would not notice me. Today, I walk into the room and Eddy pushes himself up from the floor, with a big smile on his face, and he comes to me to pick him up. He wants me to sing to him or read to him or say the ABCs with him. He is so happy and healthy and aware. He is doing so well. He knows his letters, letter sounds, numbers, colors, shapes. He's starting to recognize words. He is just an amazing kid and I'm so thankful for him. I still pray every day that he will talk, and I have faith that he will one day, when he's ready. I can't wait for that day.

Thank you for reading this, and for all of the love, and encouragement, and kindness you've shown us throughout this journey. I really do appreciate all of you.

Eddy is in School!

It's been over four months since I've last posted, and we've had a lot of changes since June! The biggest change is that our little boy is now going to school! We had our service plan meeting to transition Eddy from Early Intervention to 3-5 Year services in June, and we were very happy that all of our requests were granted. Eddy is currently going to a Special Education Pre-K Boces program on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8:30 am to 11, and he is still getting lots of services at home, pretty much the rest of the time. (He has therapy basically from 8 am to 11:30 am on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and he also has therapy when he wakes up from his nap three days each week!) We were initially told that Eddy could only attend the pre-k program if he went full-time, but we knew (and his therapists agreed) that Eddy was not ready for a full-time program. We will most likely send him full-time next year, but this year, we knew that he would be much happier if we started school on a part-time basis and allowed Eddy to continue to see his therapists at home. He had been making great progress with them, and we wanted this momentum continued.

At first, Eddy was not a big fan of school. I think his teacher was expecting a much different kid, because I shared with her in advance that Eddy had never been away from home before, that he doesn't like change, and that he most likely wouldn't like school. I think she expected him to cry and throw tantrums the entire time he was in school, but he did the opposite - he fell asleep at 9 am for the first few weeks! When Eddy is overwhelmed, he completely shuts down. He didn't fall asleep because he was tired; he fell asleep because he was shutting down all of the stimuli in his new environment. During the third week of school when I picked him up, he smiled because he was happy to see me. His teacher said, "Wow, that's the first time we've seen him smile!" I was like, "What?? Eddy smiles all the time!" That's when it really hit me how much he must've disliked school.

On the Thursday of the third week of school, his wonderful ABA therapist, Rae, came into his classroom to work with him and show his teacher and on-one-one aide what she is working on with him and what he is capable of. Ms. Moore, his teacher, said that as soon as Miss Rae walked in, Eddy sat up a little straighter and got a big smile on his face. After the session, Ms. Moore said that they couldn't believe how smart Eddy was and how he had been hiding it for the past three weeks! Eddy likes to fool people to think that he doesn't know a whole lot, when the truth is that he is very smart. (Something we have been learning more and more this year.) So when Eddy went from tuning everyone out and really not participating in anything, to showing everyone that he knows his letters, most of his numbers, his colors, object identification, and how to sort objects into categories, they were shocked!

This was about a month ago, and it was a turning point for Eddy in school. After he was aware that his teacher and aide knew what he was capable of, he realized that he couldn't fool them anymore. He has started to do all of his work and every week, I get reports of him being more and more happy and smiley. Today he had a great day in school, smiled a lot, participated in the craft activity and centers, and was very vocal. Lately, especially the past few weeks, Eddy has been really trying to talk more and more. For awhile there, at the end of the summer, we were getting a little discouraged by Eddy's lack of progress with sound-making and talking. It seems to always go in waves with him because he is back to trying to make sounds. Last week, when I was getting him out of his car seat to go into school, I said, "Eddy, do you want to go to school today?" and he said, clear as day, "Okay!" It was shocking because he's never made the "k" sound before. He makes a lot of vowel sounds and occasionally makes the "b" sound and the "m" sound, but "k" was a new one. Later that day, we were "saying" the alphabet together (I say a letter and he tries to repeat it), we got to "k" and he said "kay" again! Twice in one day! I haven't heard it since then but it's exciting because I know he is able to make the sound. We have started a few biomedical treatments recently that are supposed to help with speech (Methyl B12 and folinic acid), and we're hoping that they will, in fact, help him to start talking. It's still a huge prayer of ours and we would appreciate it if you could continue to prayer that Eddy will talk!

Eddy has been doing so great in therapy for the past two weeks. He is now counting objects up to seven pretty consistently (nonverbally, of course; given five objects, for example, he'll choose the number "5"), he knows his numbers to ten, he knows many colors and shapes, he is doing great with some animal sounds, his object recognition, matching, and sorting is great, and he's getting better at imitating. One very exciting thing that has happened recently is that Eddy is finally using his pointer finger on a regular basis! When he would do matching or object recognition in the past, he would touch his answer with his entire hand. Then, for awhile, he wanted to point, but he thought he needed help to do it, so he would grab his therapist's hand and as long as he was holding her hand, he could get his pointer finger out. Well, in the past two weeks, Eddy has finally started pointing with his pointer finger independently. That doesn't sound like a big deal to most people, but for Eddy, it's huge!

Eddy is the happiest kid I know lately. He went through a phase recently where he would whine throughout most of his therapies (he would still do the work, but he would whine.); but in the past two weeks, there has been very little whining, lots of smiles, and lots of correct answers. He is such a great kid to be around because he's always happy! He loves cuddles, he laughs a lot, and he's much more social than he was a year ago. He always comes up to me to pick him up and give him a hug, and he loves giving kisses. Ed and I say at least a few times every day, "Eddy is such a nice kid!"

Another change since my last blog update is that we got a new nanny, Marie. She is great! The kids all love her, especially Sylvia, which is good because lately Sylvia has been very particular lately about who she lets hold her. The girls will be a YEAR OLD in two weeks and I can't believe they're already almost a year! The past six months have absolutely flown by. They are such a blessing, so smart and so funny. Sylvia started walking at ten months, and Juliana just started walking at eleven months. They both have lots of words; some of their favorites are "dog," "ball." "mama." "dada," and "hat." It's a lot different this time around to see normal development and we're always so shocked with what they already know. They really love Eddy, and he definitely loves them too. He's very careful around them, and even though he's still pretty clumsy when he walks, he makes sure to carefully walk around them so he doesn't hurt them. They love to hang around Eddy and steal his sippy cup when he's drinking his milk, and he's so sweet about it. He puts up with so much from them. (I think he secretly likes it though because sometimes I'll look over and he'll have a little smile on his face when his sisters are hovering around him.)

Eddy is 16 months seizure free and doing so well. The ketogenic diet is still working miracles, and if any of you know anyone who has a seizure disorder, please ASK THEM if they've tried the ketogenic diet. I'm shocked by the number of people who have seizures or have children with seizures that have never heard of the diet. It's time-consuming but you get used to it and it becomes a part of life. It doesn't work for everyone, but it sure has been a miracle for our Eddy.

We are in the process of weaning Eddy off of Keppra now (tonight we lowered his evening dose so he's taking one tablet at night and one in the morning; he was on two in the morning and two in the evening.) He's now completely off of phenobarbital, and our next goal is to get rid of the small dose of clonazepam he takes at night. Then he'll just be on the ketogenic diet and a small maintenance dose of keppra. I am so glad we're getting these pharmaceuticals out of his body. I forgot to mention that Eddy has been healthy for so long now, despite him starting school! I hope this continues throughout the winter. We supplement his diet with lots of vitamins, minerals, probiotics, digestive enzymes, fish oil, and several other supplements, and they have definitely helped to keep him healthy.

We are so so so incredibly blessed. Thank you for being invested enough in Eddy and in us to read this update, and always always thanks to everyone who continues to pray for Eddy. He really is doing great. Maybe in one of these future updates, I will be able to say he's talking? I know that with enough prayers, anything is possible!

One year seizure free!

Today is an amazing day. Today we celebrate one whole year since Eddy has had a visible seizure! We celebrate six days of Eddy being completely weaned from phenobarbital. We celebrate that the past two months have been huge in terms of development for Eddy. We celebrate that Sylvia said "dada" for the first time this morning! We celebrate beautiful weather and a beautiful weekend ahead. It's a great day!

One year ago, Eddy had his last seizure. He was about two weeks into the ketogenic diet, and I was starting to get hopeful, as he hadn't had a seizure in over a week. When I witnessed his seizure as I was rocking him to sleep that night, I was devastated. I didn't think the ketogenic diet was really going to be the solution. But, miraculously, that was the last seizure he had! Well, it was the last noticeable seizure he had. You may remember that back in the fall, we noticed some jerking movements in his sleep when we were weaning phenobarbital (a little too quickly), and during his EEG, he had one tiny seizure spike. "Technically," that was a seizure. But we weren't going to end Eddy's seizure streak on a technicality, and it wasn't his typical tonic seizure, so the streak continued. And after that week or so, his twitches stopped. We waited a couple of months until his next phenobarb reduction, and there have been no twitches, jerks, or seizures since! And we are so incredibly thankful.

As I said previously, Eddy's development over the past two months has really taken off (taken off for Eddy, which, even though it's faster than usual for him, it's still much slower than typical development.) We were kind of at a standstill for awhile, but then, all of a sudden, he started meeting milestones and doing new things. Physically, he's gotten a lot stronger. He can now push himself up to stand from the floor. This is something we had been working on for a year, but he didn't quite have the strength or coordination to do it. He could push himself up from objects off of the floor, like styrofoam mats that were only a couple of inches tall, but he couldn't quite push up from the floor. Ed started working intensely with him to perfect this skill about a month and a half ago, making Eddy push up from the floor twenty to twenty-five times a day, giving him less and less support each day. And after about a week, Eddy had it down. Also, his physical therapist has been working on Eddy crawling up the stairs and scooting down, and while he really couldn't do it at all a month ago, he now has it down pretty good! (He doesn't enjoy doing it and will make his preferences known, but he'll do it! If you ever come to our house during a PT session, just know Eddy is not being slowly tortured, even though it might sound like he is. :) )

 

 

The most exciting thing that's happened over the past month is that Eddy has started really showing us how much he understands! I always knew that Eddy was smart, but to someone who wasn't his mommy, it might appear that Eddy doesn't know very much just because he doesn't communicate. During speech and ABA therapy, he's really been doing an amazing job showing how much he knows! We have all been shocked lately to learn that Eddy knows all of his letters and knows the letter sounds as well! His therapist started holding two letters up (because Eddy has always shown an affinity for letters so she thought she'd have a little fun with it), and he continuously picked the correct letter. So she started adding more letters. When it got up to eight letters to choose from and he kept choosing the correct one, she called me in the room and showed me. I cried. I was so happy that Eddy was showing us that he's "in there." He was so proud of himself. So we added more letters. The most we could fit on his tray was about eighteen letters, and even with that many letters, Eddy was choosing the correct one almost every time! This is so exciting for many reasons. The obvious one is that it shows he is intelligent. He can follow commands, which is an important part of communication. So his receptive language is there. Also, the fact that he can scan that many objects and choose the correct one is impressive for any two and a half year old, especially for one who tends to lack an attention span and be impetuous at times. So, this was an exciting discovery. Since then, we started having Eddy choose "the letter that says "ah" and "the letter that makes the sound "dog." And he continues to impress us with how much he knows! He's been doing great with matching and flash cards and has demonstrated that his receptive language is there. Now we just have to work on him communicating: talking, signing, pointing. Even though he understands a lot, there still seems to be a blockage there with his being able to communicate. If you could pray that he will start to be able to communicate with us, we would really appreciate it. Because I know for a fact that prayers work - the fact that Eddy is one year seizure free is a testament to that!

 

 I can't even tell you how much better life is right now than it was a year and a half ago. When we were in and out of hospitals. When I couldn't breathe every time I put Eddy down for a nap or to sleep at night. When I couldn't eat because I was so nervous that Eddy was going to have a seizure. People asked me how I could handle it, and the truth is, I couldn't really handle it. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, praying, and asking for prayers, and miraculously, God brought us to the ketogenic diet and answered our prayers. It was so hard watching Eddy have a seizure, watching them put an IV in his little vein, seeing him being wheeled into an ambulance. I don't ever want Eddy to have to go through any of that again. But because of that, we can appreciate what we have now so much more.

Not only is Eddy doing great, but our girls are doing wonderfully! They are meeting milestones like crazy! Today Sylvia said "dada" on demand! I was feeding the girls in their high chairs (today was spinach, avocado, and apples, pureed in my magic bullet!), and I said, as I often do, "say dadada." Sylvia looked at me with a very concentrated look on her face and said "dada." She seemed to have shocked herself because she jumped a little bit but then got a huge smile on her face. It was the cutest thing and, of course, I cried. (I think I may have witnessed a little tear in Ed's eye too. :) )  Since then we've heard "dada" about fifty times and it's the best sound I've ever heard. Eddy has never babbled so this is new for us and we are loving it. Sylvia is so strong and she is basically crawling now. Juliana is funny and sweet and not far behind Sylvia physically. Now if we leave them in the living room to run into the kitchen for a minute, they are both not close to where we left them.

 Eddy is starting to show more of an interest in his sisters too. (He's been more attentive to a lot of things lately, like he's seeing them for the first time. He responds to his name a lot more frequently, he looks at me every time I walk into the room; he's just so much more present!) One little funny story from this morning - Eddy has this odd desire to always have his leg propped up when he's drinking his bottle. If he doesn't have anything to prop it up on, he'll use his other leg because he just has to have his leg propped up. Well this morning, Sylvia crawled over to him to steal his bottle, and Ed looked over and Eddy was using Sylvia as a footrest! He was being gentle and she didn't seem to mind. :)

 Thank you for reading my blog - I will try to update it more frequently! We are in the process of having meetings regarding transitioning Eddy from Early Intervention services to Preschool 3-5 services. I hope that my next blog entry is a happy one saying that we got the services/program that we are asking for and that everything works out in that regard.

 Right now, life is great. We are so incredibly thankful.

It's been awhile.

I have been meaning to update this blog for the past couple of months, but I never get an hour with two free hands to type on my computer...so I finally broke down and downloaded the blogger iPhone app and am typing this with one hand on my phone. This could take awhile.

Life has changed dramatically since my last update. We welcomed our beautiful girls, Sylvia and Juliana into the world on November 11, when I was 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant. My OB said that I hold the record for the longest anyone in his office has gone with twins! Praise God, everything went smoothly during the pregnancy and the c-section. I was planning on having them naturally, but Juliana decided to flip to breech when I was 37 weeks pregnant (how she had room to do that, I have no idea.) So, we were scheduled for 7 am Monday morning on November 11, and the babies were born at 7:27 and 7:28 am. (I do have to say that it was nice not going through a 12 hour labor again, but the recovery was much more difficult.)

It was really, really hard for me to be away from Eddy while I was in the hospital. I missed him so much, and even though he still doesn't talk, my parents (who stayed with him) said it was clear he missed me too. The day after the babies were born, our nanny brought Eddy to visit me in the hospital. This was such an emotional meeting for me and it was so hard to see how big my "baby" was compared to his 4 lb 15 oz and 5 lb 12 oz sisters. Eddy had been my baby for two and a quarter years, and I wasn't ready to accept that he is no longer my baby but is rather the oldest of my three children! When Eddy came to the hospital, my good friend and photographer, Megan from Park Avenue Photography (she's amazing, hire her!) happened to be snapping some newborn shots, and she captured this picture, which I absolutely love. This was the first time Eddy had seen me in over two days, and the first time he could really hug me in awhile (without my twin bump getting in the way. :) )

After five days in the hospital (Juliana was jaundiced right before we were scheduled to be discharged on day 3 and she had to be under the lights for 24 hours), we came home to our new norm of utter chaos and craziness. Luckily, my parents moved in and helped us for the first month. I honestly don't know what we would've done without them, and I don't know how anyone does it on their own. Even with four adults in the house, it was still absolutely insane. The girls were (are) super high maintenance and want to breastfeed constantly. They cry a lot if they're not feeding, and they're just starting to be able to put down for (very) short periods of time. When my parents moved out after a month, I was...pretty terrified and wasn't sure how we'd be able to handle it. We still had our nannies during the day, but when they went home around 5:30, life became even more overwhelming than it already was. Even now at 3+ months out, evenings are still stressful and hectic. If I make dinner, it's even more crazy. The babies do not want me to put them down, which makes it difficult for me to do anything, including play with Eddy. I feel bad that I can't give him the attention I used to be able to, but Ed has really stepped up with Eddy, and their relationship is amazing. Eddy really loves his daddy and it's so cute to see them together. 

We are extremely blessed, though, that the girls did not have to have any NICU time and have remained healthy throughout this horrible winter. Every time I get frustrated and start to feel sorry for myself for never ever leaving and house and never ever having more than a half hour to myself (to shower - the one thing I make sure I give myself every day!), I remember how blessed we are and how this is only a short time in the scheme of things. And we have wonderful nannies and I'm able to stay home. So I know I am truly lucky, but I'm not going to deny that this has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. (The only thing more difficult was seeing Eddy have seizures and be hospitalized and not be able to help him.) Every day now, though, the girls are getting more fun and sweet and adorable. Here they are when they woke up this morning. :)

Everyone asks me how Eddy is around his sisters. The honest answer is that he doesn't really notice them. Eddy is very good at ignoring anything that he doesn't like, or find interesting, or that makes him uncomfortable. If we ask him to kiss the babies, he will, but most of the time, he just ignores them.

On December 2, when the girls were three weeks old, Eddy had an important appointment at the Kirsch Developmental Clinic in Rochester.  This was the appointment where he was evaluated for autism. During the past year, Ed and I have asked many people, including all of Eddy's therapists and doctors, if they felt that Eddy was on the autism spectrum. All of them said the same thing: "I don't know." (Followed by: "The only one who can diagnose that is a developmental pediatrician.") Eddy has a lot of autistic characteristics, most importanty that he is nonverbal and lacks the social skills he should have at 2 1/2. But Eddy also has many characteristics that lead people to believe that he's not on the spectrum, like the fact that he is deeply attached to me and Ed and my parents. He also loves to cuddle and wants to be rocked to sleep, he loves giving kisses, and he is very affectionate. So leading up to the appointment, Ed and I weren't sure exactly what to expect, but we were both leaning towards an autism diagnosis. Sadly, I couldn't even be there for the appointment because the girls were three weeks old and I had to stay home to feed and take care of them, but Ed and my parents took Eddy to Rochester and I was part of the meeting via speaker phone. After the initial interview and observation of Eddy interacting with Ed and my parents, the developmental pediatrician said that she was on the fence about a diagnosis for Eddy. Just like everyone else had said, she felt that Eddy has some autistic qualities, but she said that the way he interacted with Ed and my dad made her question the diagnosis. She said that she was going to work with him one-on-one and call me back after she has made a decision about his diagnosis. So about twenty minutes later, the doctor calls back and says that although she was on the fence, after interacting with Eddy, she was comfortable giving him an autism diagnosis. She said that his lack of social and communication skills were enough to make her feel confident about giving him the diagnosis, but she wants to monitor him closely. She said that as he (God-willing) goes longer and longer without having a seizure and successfully weans phenobarbital, she hopes to see some of these developmental skills that Eddy currently lacks come out more and more. And as they do, she is hoping that he will gain some of the social and communication skills he currently lacks. Eddy is an enigma to all of the doctors that he has seen. No one understands why he has these developmental delays and if it is an autism spectrum disorder/neurological disorder that is causing them, or if it is a result from a year's worth of seizures on a developing brain and the horrible side effects of his anti-epileptic medications. So, I guess, we will have to wait and see what Eddy has in store for us. 

A quick update on Eddy and his seizures - he has not had any!!!! We are so incredibly thankful that he still hasn't had a "big" seizure since two weeks into the ketogenic diet in June 2013. He also hasn't had the myoclonic twitchiness that I described in the last update in October, after we had reduced his phenobarbital. We waited a few months, but we made the last phenobarbital reduction on Christmas Day, and he has done great with it! No twitchiness and no seizures! Right now he is down to 1/2 pill in the morning and 1/2 in the evening. The next step was going to be no pill in the morning and 1/2 in the evening and then no pills at all, but his neurologist wants us to continue to reduce extremely slowly to ensure no side effects; so the next reduction will be 1/4 pill in the morning and 1/2 in the evening. We are getting there, slowly but safely. We would appreciate continued prayers for a successful phenobarbital wean in the next six months. It's taking a lot longer than we had anticipated, but after seeing his reaction last September when we were decreasing every four weeks, we decided to slow it down and be cautious about it.

Eddy's development is coming along, as always, slowly but surely. The past few weeks, he has done better in his speech and ABA therapy than ever before. He is now matching five objects very successfully, which is a 2 1/2 to 3 year old skill! He started with matching two objects and has gotten up to five with excellent accuracy. He is also doing extremely well at identifying objects and can correctly identify an object given five pictures. He's getting much better at fine motor skills and can now complete the shapes puzzle that he has been working on for almost a year. He's also making a lot of sounds and will try to imitate sounds now. He has a very difficult time forming words, and his therapists believe it is because his low muscle tone extends to his mouth and he doesn't have the muscle strength to properly form words. But he is coming along every day, and we are so proud of him. Eddy is an amazing, sweet, precious little boy and we love him so much. 

So, thank you for reading this lengthy update. I hope that it won't be another four months until I'm able to update again. Life is crazy right now, and we're basically in "survival mode." Ed is working so hard this tax season and is trying to stay healthy. I'm doing everything in my power to keep Eddy and the girls healthy. I cannot wait for springtime and warmer weather and less flu/strep germs around everywhere so that I can get out of the house and go on walks and regain some of my sanity! Please pray for good health and development for the girls and for Eddy and that Ed and I survive this part of our lives with a smile on our face. :). Thanks to everyone who has visited, held babies, dropped off gifts and food. We have amazing friends and family in our lives and we are so thankful for all of you. 

Anticipation and Abnormal Brain Waves

It's been awhile since I last blogged, and I could go into labor at any time, so I thought it would be a good idea to update while I still can!

I'm currently 36 weeks, 4 days pregnant with these twin girls. So far the pregnancy has gone extremely smoothly. I really can't complain at all, especially with it being a twin pregnancy. (I really can't complain, but I'm going to for just a couple minutes. Bear with me :) ). In the past week, I've gotten really uncomfortable and huge. I guess that's to be expected, but it's getting a little old not being able to bend over to pick something up. (And you don't realize how many times a day you bend over until you can no longer do it!) Luckily, the weather's been pretty nice up until this past week, and I've been able to cut it in flip flops for the majority of my pregnancy. Well, it was about 35 degrees the other night and I (actually) left the house, so I thought I should probably wear socks and shoes. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that it took me ten minutes, and a whole lot of grunting/sweating before I was able to get my socks and boots on. (Nice visual, huh?) That was when I really noticed how incredibly huge/uncomfortable I am, and how different a twin pregnancy is from a singleton pregnancy. (At least different from my previous pregnancy - Eddy was only 6 lbs, 5 oz when he was born at 40 weeks, so maybe I just had an easier go at it. But I remember walking for miles the week Eddy was born. Now I can barely walk to the doctor's office!)

But all in all, I have been extremely blessed this pregnancy. I have an ultrasound every week at this point and the girls are really active, my fluid levels are great, their heart rates are good, and they are growing at a very similar rate. They are small, but Eddy was small, and they are twins so that's to be expected. I was quite concerned about their size for the past several weeks, but last week my doctor assured me that they are growing fine, and he said he wasn't concerned about their weight at all. Last week, at 35 weeks, Baby A was measuring 4 lbs 6 oz, and Baby B was measuring 4 lbs 10 oz. (Ultrasound weight estimates are just that - estimates; so really we could be a pound more or less than those weights.) If these estimates are close to being accurate, that's 9 lbs of baby inside of me! When I think about this, I'm like, yes, I should be quite uncomfortable! But despite my discomfort, I am thrilled that they are still gestating and haven't been born yet. I'm shooting for anywhere from 37-38 weeks, and I can't believe how close that is! Months ago, I asked my doctor what the ideal time frame for twin pregnancy is, and he said 38 weeks. At the time I didn't think I would get close to this, because the average twin pregnancy is 35-36 weeks, but it looks like it could happen! I just want to keep them in there as long as possible to give them the best possible chance of not having to spend time in the NICU. (Especially because Olean doesn't have a NICU - I would have to go to Buffalo, and I don't want to be away from Eddy. It's already going to be so hard being away from him for a few days!)

Speaking of Eddy, he is doing well and is a sweetheart, as usual. People have been asking us how his seizure activity has been and if he's still seizure free. This is not an easy, or short answer, so here goes. At the end of September, Eddy had his first EEG since starting the ketogenic diet. Eddy started the diet at the end of May, and usually they want to do an EEG about every three months. This was just a short, one-hour EEG, not the overnight one that he's had many times. Ed and I were hopeful that his EEG would have improved even slightly, especially because he had been doing so well with seizure control. (Well, I was hopeful. Ed was assuming it had remained the same because we haven't seen huge strides in his development. It's definitely improving, but at an extremely slow rate.) I was quite nervous about the EEG because for about two weeks leading up to it, Eddy's sleep was incredibly bad. He tossed and turned literally all night long, and his arms came up constantly. It was almost like he had restless leg syndrome, but in his arms. The morning of his EEG I was researching myoclonic seizures (which are basically very quick seizures where muscles tense), and I was really hoping that Eddy's seizure type had not morphed into this. I read one website that stated that, "weaning barbiturates could provoke myoclonic seizures." Well, a week prior to his bad sleep starting (so the first week in September), we had decreased Eddy's phenobarbital (a barbiturate) again, as per our weaning schedule. As the wean becomes closer and closer to completion, Eddy's little body is going to have a more and more difficult time with withdrawal symptoms. His level as of a month ago was 10, which was down from 15 at his previous blood work reading a couple of months ago, and down from 38 from almost a year ago (when he was basically drugged out on phenobarbital constantly).

So, back to the EEG. We took Eddy to Rochester on September 30, and his EEG was at 12:30 pm. We were really nervous to get the results of the EEG, which we were going to hear at his appointment with his neurologist at 4:30 pm.  Just as I had suspected (but hoped against), Eddy had some myoclonic seizure activity show up on the EEG. Two times during the forty minutes that Eddy had slept during the EEG, his arms came up (like what was happening so many times every night). One of these occurrences was normal wakening, but the other was "a single epileptic discharge." Eddy's neurologist said that "technically," this was a myoclonic seizure. Additionally, Eddy's brainwaves are still very abnormal. He still has slow waves all the time, especially on the left side of his brain, and when he's asleep, he has these abnormal high amplitude spikes. So, basically, not good news at all. His EEG is the same as it was last fall, when he was having tons of seizures. Although he only had one "epileptic discharge," his brain waves are still very abnormal. The epileptic activity is coming from one area in his brain, the same area that the 25-30 seizures that were caught on the EEG in May were coming from. This area is in the left-middle part of his brain, right near his communication center. This explains a lot about why Eddy has such a difficult time communicating and learning. He has been trying SO hard to talk lately, but he has such a difficult time making words. He still loves his youtube videos, and every time he watches one, we make him sign and say "movie." Sometimes it comes across very close to "movie," which is exciting. A lot of the time it's more like "mooo-vv", but he wasn't doing this a month and a half ago, so it's progress! 

We are still very happy that Eddy hasn't had any "big" seizures since the beginning of June. It's tough to know if Eddy is even having seizures now, though. Luckily, Eddy's sleep has gotten much better in the past couple of weeks, and the number of times his arms come up has dwindled to almost none. His neurologist believes that the cause of the myoclonic activity is most likely due to the phenobarbital wean. We held off on decreasing his dose this month, because we want his body to be able to get used to the last decrease first. As much as we want him off of phenobarbital, we want to do it in a responsible and cautious way. I'd be curious to see his brain waves right now, because his sleep was at the absolute worst right around when he had his last EEG. Even though we didn't want to admit it, we both feared that the crazy sleep was due to seizure activity. Now that his sleep has improved tremendously (maybe his body has now gotten used to the last phenobarbital reduction?), I'm wondering if his brain waves are still as abnormal as they were a month ago.

So, as you can see, it's all very confusing. It's hard because we want to keep his "seizure free" countdown going because it was so encouraging for us, but due to "technicalities," I'm not so sure this would be acceptable. Darn you, epilepsy.

We are both so in love with that little boy, though. He is the sweetest, happiest kid around. He loves to give kisses and hugs, he has been laughing and smiling a lot, and he's just generally happy. He's also been extremely healthy for the past nine months, and I haven't had to give him Tylenol or an antibiotic once in the past nine months. This is pretty good for a two year old, especially one that was having three fevers a week a year ago! He takes tons of supplements/vitamins/minerals, and is on a very healthy organic diet. (Healthy other than the massive amounts of fat he consumes - but at least it's healthy fats - organic coconut oil, olive oil, and avocado oil.)

His development is improving, albeit slowly. But everything I hear/read says that as long as he's improving, things are good. If development stops or regresses, then we worry. His development is definitely moving forward. Sometimes it's hard to not want it to speed up and happen the way a "normal" toddler should develop, but Eddy has so many obstacles in his way that "normal" toddlers don't, and he's trucking along and making improvements every day. His therapists are happy with his improvements, and they all agree that he has been much more alert, aware, attentive, and engaged in the past couple of months than he ever has been before. His identification of objects and matching objects is always 80-90%. He definitely understands more than he is able to communicate, and right now, his communication is the area of most concern. We will just keep taking it one day at a time, though, and trust in God that He has the best possible plan in mind for Eddy.

In the mean time, we are just going to continue to enjoy our little boy and get ready to meet our new baby girls! Please pray for Eddy's development, and for healthy, happy baby girls! :)